How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids
Are you a yelling mom? Me, too! :/ Being a mom is frustrating! It’s hectic, there is so much to remember, and how is it that my kids know exactly how to push my buttons?! Do you want to know how to stop yelling at your kids?
Do you find yourself being so patient with everyone except your own children? Do you wish you could be that patient with your own children? You worry if you are yelling at your kids too much……is that how they will remember you when you grow up? “My mom used to yell a lot. I’m not sure why.” No mother wants to be remembered like that.
You don’t have to be that mom who yells at your kids anymore. I’m here to share my secret of how I stopped yelling at my kids (for the most part!)
I was a high school teacher for about 5 years and I (almost) never yelled at my students. I taught math and I primarily taught students who struggled with math. So, they were less than thrilled to be in my class. But, you know what? Every year I had student after student tell me that I was their favorite teacher! What?! I am teaching you math – you hate math, how can this be?! But, then (and this breaks my heart) they would tell me they liked my class so much because I never yelled at them. (and it breaks my heart to think if that is such a big deal, then how often are these kids getting yelled at?! It still makes me sad to think about that.)
But, then I became a mom. And the floodgates opened. I didn’t want to be an angry mom or yell at my kids as much as I did. But, I just.couldn’t.help.it. I would just get so frustrated and so quickly, too. When my oldest was 4, I decided I just had to find a way to stop yelling so much.
So, this is what I came up with……
I started singing to my kids.
Yep, you read that right. I would sing. Any time I was starting to get frustrated or feel like I was about to yell, I would sing my words instead.
So, we were (slowly) getting ready to get in the car to go to an appointment….I had asked my girls to get their shoes on about 10 minutes ago. I got the baby ready and look to see that they are not ready, their shoes are not on, and my middle kiddo still has no pants on. Ahhhhhhh!
No, I wasn’t going to yell anymore….Ok, here goes…..
“Pleeeease, get your shoooooes on noooooowwww. We are goooooing tooo be laaaaate.”
And it worked! It got their attention (probably because they thought I was acting crazy, but whatever.) and they jumped up and got ready.
And, I wasn’t angry or frustrated at them anymore.
I mean, can you really stay angry when you are singing? I can’t.
So, I have been singing instead of yelling ever since. And I’ve noticed that my kids have started to do it back to me and to each other. How fun!
Kids always like when things are turned into a game and singing kind of does that. Especially if you have fun with it. I mean, I am no opera singer, but I can hold my own in the shower….or the car…..by myself. So, when I sing to my kids, sometimes I belt out the notes. And they love it even more!
Now, is singing a magic bullet? No, of course not. But, remember, my goal was to stop being so angry and yelling at my children. And it totally works for that!
One other thing I would encourage you to dig into is why exactly are you feeling the urge to yell? Maybe there is an underlying issue that you could work on to improve your feelings as well. Are you frustrated because you want to do something else? Do you feel like they are nagging you all the time? Are you on the phone and need them to be quiet for a few minutes? Are you trying to get some cleaning done and they want to play?
I have found that, mostly, young children just want attention from their parents. So, if you can give them attention first, getting a few minutes to accomplish something else can get a lot easier. But, that’s another post for another day.
Today, you are learning how to stop yelling at your kids.
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So, tomorrow (or whenever) you feel yourself getting frustrated with your children, stop for a second and try singing whatever you want to say to them. It’s hard to yell and be angry when you’re singing. I also think that kids don’t receive the singing as yelling, either, so their feelings aren’t hurt.
I still yell at my kids sometimes, because, well, I’m human. But, I yell much less. And I hope this strategy works for you as well as it has for me.